bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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