My boss' voice literally gives me gas
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
