SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
