and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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