just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
