I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize