there's paper in my vomit.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
