the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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