so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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