i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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