Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
