My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
