i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize