I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Randomize
