So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
