its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
