remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
