do herpes really smell.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
