I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
you never un-have a 4some
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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