i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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