I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
So apparently I’m into choking now
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize