Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
