i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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