Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
