Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
