New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize