Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
