Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
