If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
