Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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