someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
