I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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