Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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