Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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