No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
just found out that she named her cat after me.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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