i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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