why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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