i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
