Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Randomize
