guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You can't special order awesome
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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