the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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