Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize