time to smoke my breakfast
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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