just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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