Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
