my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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