Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
