Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
even my farts smell like vagina
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
