ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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