you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
