I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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