I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
