Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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