I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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