It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
