she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Randomize
