my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
