I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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