If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
