i need an iv and a liver transplant
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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