I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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