I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
