oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize