The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
