when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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