Cold hands, warm shart.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize