Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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