I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
