I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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