If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
