At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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