mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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