I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
