I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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