I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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