Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
