Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
