Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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