i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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