roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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