once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He did a backflip because drugs
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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