I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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