i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
