I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
