If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
