Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
