Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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