What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
