if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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